Dermatone Coffee Flavor

Disclaimer: This stick has unparalleled biases to traverse - I hate coffee. I know you all picture the Chaptastic girls living the hip, New York City coffeeshop life; sipping lattes, testing balms. But no, this Chaptastic girl has only ordered hot chocolate at Starbucks. And, to reiterate, I hate coffee.

So, I'm not quite sure how this stick ended up in my apartment, but I found it and I used it. One night, I reached my hand into my "lip balm bowl" (or the L.B.B., for those in the know) and blindly pulled out a stick and applied. I immediately threw myself against my bed gagging and furiously wiping at my lips.

This, my friends, is my first encounter with Dermatone Coffee Flavor.

Price: Found, but if you'd like to purchase - $2.30

Glide: It's smooth and thick, but not gloppy.

Appearance: An ugly tube with a yellow tip and coffee beans all over. If I had actually looked at the tube before applying, I like to think I'd have caught on to the coffee flavor vibe it was sending, but I probably would have written it off as chocoate.

Flavor/ Smell: This stick smells like day old coffee grounds. Like the ones that asshole neighborhood dog ripped out through some random's trash bag and spread around your stoop. Right next to the old loaf of french bread that Italian man leaves for the pigeons. Those pigeons that sit and eat, all day next, to your stoop. And crap.

Lasting Power: None, I can hardly manage to apply, let alone leave on my lips for over 5 seconds.

Product Plusses: I feel guilty bagging on this stick that I knew never had a chance. But it's got some good stuff going for it: SPF 23, Vitamins A & E, and caffeine.

2.5 out of 5 tubes

If you drink coffee this balm may make your day. If you don't, go with the flavorless Dermatone. The quality of the stick is decent, but not extraordinary enough to overcome the coffee stench, errr, aroma.