Cococare Cocoa Butter

This was another Bed Bath & Beyond impulse buy, although I like to refer to my last-minute decision purchases as instinct, not impulse, purchases. I have about a million other tubes I got way before this one that I could be writing about, but my opinion about this one perplexes me so much that I felt the need to work it out psychologically by writing about it. Here's the thing: it came recommended to me by my friend Alicia and surficially it has a lot of things going for it, but I kind of hate it. Like wipe-it-off-immediately-with-a-tissue hate it. I'll explain.

Price: $0.99. Divine.

Appearance: Kind of an old school 70's feel to the tube, which is plain bright yellow with modest brown print on it, not unlike a fancy banana.

Glide: Holy crap. This is where everything falls apart. This stuff is like Astroglide. Melty, melty Astroglide. Except with none of the benefits. You go to slide some on your lips and suddenly your arm shoots across your lips and four feet away from your head. Very greasy, not in a pleasant way, and it goes on thickly. My friend claims this does not happen as much in the winter, but the tube has been sitting in a very air conditioned room for hours and it's still as slick as french fry residue. If you do the pat method then it's better, but still very slippery on the lip. A dab'll do ya.

Flavor/Smell: Smells like coconuts. Coconuts that have been dipped in baby lotion and then coated in sugar. It's a non-offensive yet very cloying odor (reminds me of Banana Boat sunscreen). Its saving grace is that any flavor is non-existent. Kudos for that. This tube would fail if it actually tried to taste like coconuts. Or anything, for that matter. If you like the smell of artificial coconut products, then you'll like this. I, clearly, do not.

Lasting Power: If you can get past the horrific glide and baby wipe coconut scent, then you will have won the prize of a surprisingly light, effective and long-lasting moisturizer (lots of cocoa butter and aloe vera). Again, my friend swears by it in winter. Then again, she's friends with me, so I have to assume she has bad judgment.

Product Plusses: Super cheap. Made in New Jersey. Unfortunately, there's also no SPF and there are about three different petroleum ingredients.

And that's my dilemma. A tube that comes highly recommended (watch: those are the two words that'll come up on a Google search for Cocoa Care) and yet fails to impress me on almost all fronts. I don't want to have to cringe while using a tube or to manually adjust the amount of product that ends up on my lips.

Verdict: 2 out of 5 tubes.