La-La-Labello!

Some years back I was on some form of public transportation (as I frequently am, what with lacking a license and all) and I overheard a conversation wherein someone was discussing their time abroad and the discovery of "the best chapstick ever". Naturally I was intrigued, and I paid attention to the product name that was mentioned, but I promptly forgot what the hell it was before I wrote it down. I did remember that it had an L and a B in it and that it might have meant "lips" because it sounded a lot like "labia". But then I got distracted with life for a couple of years and didn't really follow up on it.

Then in one of my many recent forays into chapstick research, I discovered that the product I'd heard recommended so highly is called Labello. It originated in Germany and is not sold in the States, so I had to go to great lengths (Google) to find it , but when I received it the stars shone more brightly and a choir sang some Handel and somewhere a school of dolphins jumped dramatically out of the ocean in front of a sunset.

Price: Because Labello is not sold in the US, I had to go online to find it. This might change as Labello was recently acquired by Nivea, I believe. It ranges in price from $1.89 to $6.00 (are you kidding me, Amazon.com?), not including shipping. The more tubes you buy, the better the value. I bought three: Labello Classic, Labello Rose and Labello Gloss & Shine.

Appearance: Classic Labello is distinctive in that it resembles a lipstick more than a traditional chapstick. It's larger and thicker and its entire outer cover comes off to reveal a lipstick-like twisting mechanism. Although it's slightly larger than a chapstick, it's much sexier because it has more substance and it's all curves and feels good to hold (insert penis joke here...actually anywhere, really). Sometimes when I'm pulling it out I feel like I'm unsheathing some sort of large, powerful chapstick Sword of Moisture.The Gloss/Shine comes in a nice compact squeeze tube with an angled applicator.

Glide: Labello goes on smooth and thick, not unlike frosting on a cake. The good thing is that it's not greasy or waxy and it quickly absorbs into your lips, leaving no residue and very little shine (the Gloss/Shine is shiny without being ho-ey and has a nice subtle color). It may be a little too thick for you if you're into applying every ten minutes, but if you're looking for a once-or-twice-a-day-er, it's fabulous.

Flavor/Smell: Simply delightful. Light, pleasant, not overbearing. I can't put my finger on what the Classic scent is, but it definitely has vanilla in it. The Rose smells like roses and I assume their other flavors follow suit. Surpringly, there is no taste- waxy, fruity or otherwise- on any of the varieties I tried and that is a welcome relief.

Lasting Power: I put on Labello in the morning and was fine until the evening. That's ONCE a day, people. Unheard of. The Gloss & Shine lasts quite a while into a night out as well and stays on impressively even after a few smears onto the edge of a beer bottle. I must mention that Labello's motto is "Nobody kisses better", and after a few trial runs in the field I can verify this claim.

Product Plusses: So many flavors and colors! It's like a chapstick pride parade. There's a scent for every flavor you love and a type (active/sporty, gloss, etc) for every kind of lip care you need. The balm also contains Vitamin E and ProVitamin B5. No default SPF, but you can buy the special SPF 30 UV Care Labello.

One minus is that Labello seems to be a bit fragile in hot conditions. Because it glides well without having to be warmed up, overwarming the tube can cause the balm to deteriorate a little. Keep it in a jacket pocket or bag as opposed to right up on you.

Conclusion: Reliable, well-moisturizing, luxurious glide, pleasant smell, fun, long lasting and kick-ass. Plus it's foreign! Think of the social cache...4.75 out of 5 tubes.