Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Vaseline: Gross or Great? (Answer: Great.)

Whenever I think of vaseline I think of Curly from Of Mice and Men. I can't help it. Something about that vaseline-filled glove gave me the creeps when I read that book in ninth grade, and it still does. Although, these days when I think about it I feel the need to somehow remind Curly that he should never use an oil-based lubricant during sexual activity, but then I remember that a man who wears a vaseline-filled glove probably isn't concerned with wearing condoms.

That's probably not the best lead-in given that I'm about to extol the virtues of vaseline as an alternative lip balm.

Now, I like all-natural hippie chapsticks as much as the next gal, but I'm not one to toss out a product just because it has a little petroleum jelly slash oil-drilling byproduct in it (harmless oil drilling byproduct). The great thing about vaseline is that it comes in containers so big that you couldn't finish one in your lifetime if you tried. And it doesn't expire, which is why I've had my "standard" sized can (is it a can?) for about four years.

I use vaseline as a chapstick alternative at night before I go to bed and in the morning when I get up. It's like an intense lip moisturizer. Vaseline has helped me recover from many an overchapped spell, and when mixed into a paste with a little granulated sugar it's a wonderful lip exfoliator. It also has the advantage of being scentless, easy gliding and shine-perfect, and while it may be a bit messy and not quite as portable as chapstick, it's a reliable standby.

And like any great product, vaseline has so many other uses: area under runny nose moisturizer, makeup remover, eyebrow-tamer, emergency WD-40 substitute, toy mechanics greaser, tight jewelery removal helper, sticky zipper fixer, baseball greaser, camera lens effect, swimming friction reducer, cuts/scrapes protectant, chafing protectant, doorknob pranks, etc.

Not, again, as a personal lubricant, unless you really want to enjoy the feel of ripping latex without the pesky birth control and STD protection. I don't know why I feel the need to play sex-ed teacher today.

Anyway, a tub of vaseline (they do make them in mini sizes, too) is a must have for every bathroom.

9 Comments:

Blogger Natasha said...

Vaseline is great... I use it before bed and first thing in the morning, too. My skin acts up in the winter so as well as putting it on my lips and around my mouth area before bed, I'll put it on any dry spots anywhere else.

10:03 PM  
Blogger Ellie&Mango said...

I have this really bad thing on my upper arms where they're all dry and bumpy, especially in the winter, so after I get out of the shower I rub some Vaseline into them and even though it doesn't smell nice it really helps smooth and soften the skin. Also, I read somewhere ages ago if you put a little on your eyelashes before you go to bed it makes them stronger.

Ciao,
Ellie

1:58 PM  
Anonymous Jo said...

I'm sorry but I think vaseline don't let your skin breathe...u can maybe feel the skin softier but the poor skin can't breath...I don't think it's a good thing :(

11:32 AM  
Blogger Kunal said...

curly wore a vaseline glove to keep his hand soft because his other hand was too rough for his wife... not because vaseline is a lubricant.

1:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Vaseline is a great product!It should be among yours winter skin products, and not only winter! And You're mistaken that Vaseline doesn't let your skin breathe. It's really not true.

9:21 AM  
Anonymous Chloe said...

I don't like Vaseline on my lips, it's too messy and made them peel more. It's useful around the house though.

6:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i would die without vaseline!! i put it on my lips before bed and it is also great to put on your heels when they get dry and cracked (I wouldn't suggest putting it on my feet then getting right into bed, but if you're just sitting on the couch its fine).

11:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Vaseline has been my best friend since forever.

<3

Its rather oily and I dont really like that, but the benefits certainly outweigh that small fact.

6:21 PM  
Anonymous Cait said...

This may sound silly but my dentist told me that if you breathe through your mouth at night that you should try swiping some Vaseline on your gums to keep them from drying out and thus becoming inflamed. Odd, but everyone wants healthy gums and teeth yeah?

1:25 AM  

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