Guest Post! Dairy Queen Vanilla Cone

Today's guest poster is Marissa, who has a GLOWING review for everyone.

Aprez vous, Marissa!

I am going to review the singularly worst lip balm ever made. Now, it does have the potential to be amazing; after all, who doesn’t like vanilla ice cream? (Vegans, but not my point.) Even writing this review made me throw up a little.

I found this tube on the checkout counter of a cutesy little accessory store for girls, and being the thirteen-year-old girl that I am, I bought it. Normally, I stick to more minty lip balms, but c’mon! Vanilla ice cream! I had to have it.

Price: Despite, being targeted at younger children with smaller pockets, the price is around three dollars. It’s high, but not too bad, considering you’re also paying for the Dairy Queen name. (NOTE: You can buy it here for $2.95).

Appearance: Viewed head on, this normal sized tube is rather cute. The signature DQ logo is smack dab in the middle for optimum product placement, and right under is the name of the flavor in a curly font. The images are flanked by a few starbursts that fully reminds me of funky-70s wallpaper. Now, start turning the tube, and focus you’re attention on the giant warning label, which reminds me that the lip balm, “HAS REMOVABLE CAP.” Thanks, DQ, I almost forgot!

Glide:Disgusting. Apply no pressure, and the lip balm barely touches my lips, let alone covers it in balm. Add the slightest pressure, and the entire stick smashes against my lips and smushes everywhere. It’s a lose-lose situation.

Flavor/Smell: This lip balm fully redeems itself where smell is concerned. Although it smells nothing like “vanilla cone”, it is almost a perfect imitation of the scent of butter cream frosting. If only it tasted like that. At first, the lip balm tastes like mountains of sugar attacking my tongue. The longer I left my tongue on my lips, the more intense the underlying flavor of...I can’t even describe it. It made me want to barf.

Lasting Power: A really long time- at least two hours. Which is bad, as it felt like I put glue on my lips.

Product Pluses: Not for use for children under eight. Now we can save at least a fifth of the population from the heck that is this lip balm.

Overall: .5 out of 5 tubes. I think I’ll carry this tube around just to smell it.