Behold, the Power of Chapstick

Speaking of Katie Holmes (you know you just were). There's this episode of Dawson's Creek right before the time when she and Dawson were about to start knockin' boots. Katie's character, Joey, was hiding on the stairs (for reasons I cannot remember...I can't really remember anything from that show; so many wasted Wednesday nights) while Dawson was reaching out to his father for some sage first-kiss advice. Dawson asked his dad how we got his first kiss, and his dad, not weirded out at all by his son's facial features, told him. I think he said that he was on a rowboat with either a random girl or the woman who would become his wife (probably the latter just for WB gag effect) and one of them put on some chapstick. Then she (or he) asked if he could borrow her stick, and she/he coyly replied, "You want some chapstick?" and then leaned in and gave it to him/her right off his/her lips. Now that is a playa/play-ess.

The point of this convoluted, ill-remembered story is that chapstick will help you mack, my friend. Ever been caught in an impending kiss situation with your lips all gnarly? Not a pretty scene.

Although, the downside to pre-kiss chapstick application is:

Let's say you're on a date with someone you loathe. You're polite through dinner and you can tell that the other person likes you but you're not picking up on what he/she is putting down. At the end of the night, you casually reach into your pocket and apply some chapstick like you always do, only to realize that your date took said application to be a sign that you want to suck a little face, when in fact you so do not.

I'm guessing that's what got Katie Holmes into all that trouble in the first place.

Chapstick can be the ultimate mack tool or invite unwanted attention, so be careful. Use your powers wisely.