Guest Post! Dr. Luv's Peach Fizz Balm

There's a long list of guest posts to put up, but this one caught my attention because of the rating our guest poster Chrissey gave it. I could barely find a photo of the product on the whole internet (had to resort to eBay), so perhaps its makers realized how awful it was. I suspect it's still stocked somewhere, so consider this a warning. Enjoy Chaptastic's lowest rated balm ever. Go for it, Chrissey!

I looove fizzy drinks. Pop rocks is my addicting substance- I can eat packs and packs without stopping. While other kids do drugs and smoke, I have my Pop Rocks. So when I saw Dr. Luv's Peach Fizzy balm, I just HAD to get it. I was at Claire's with my assistant [a 10 year old suck up] and I bought it. The outside of the balm is appealing, but I'll get into that later.

Price: $3.50, but i got on sale for $1.50.

Appearance: Oh em gee. Its like a mini soda can with a light orange cream label with a peach in the middle and the words "Dr.Luv's Peach Fizzy".

Glide: Hard. Felt like rubbing a bar of soap on my lips. Ew. At first it was like chapstick then it got harder.

Flavor/Smell: Peach sparkler. Sweet and light peachy, and very very candyish.

Lasting Power: Ew. .25 seconds. I had to keep applying it before I got really pissy and threw it in the food court trash. [This is my favorite part- it didn't even make it out of the mall! -Ed.]

Product Pluses: None!!

Product Minuses: Oh my god. There's a warning label, and it barely covers ANYTHING. I got chapped lips, and they ached and felt itchy. Plus my lips started peeling.

Overall: .0000001 out of 5 tubes. I think instead of spitting into they eyes of my enemies I'll give them this balm.

Ouch, y'all, ouch. Also, don't get on Chrissey's bad side.